wish it was a better morning…

So, this morning I woke Hudson up around 6:20, just to give her plenty of time to get ready to get ready.  We came upstairs, she asked for milk, which I gave her.  She wanted to watch wow wow wubzy, so I said ok.  I told her that after she watched it, we would get ready to go.  Then she wanted grapes, so I gave her some grapes.  When I tried to change her diaper she went absolutely ape shit.  Which, in turn made me do the same. I yelled at her, she covered her ears, I yelled.

It was awful.  i hate that I got that angry that I yelled.  I apologized after and gave her a balloon, which seemed to make her happy.  I think she understood that I was very sorry for yelling at her and that mommy was wrong.  Once we got to Nike she was happy happy happy.  She did say to me “I don’t like you mommy”  It broke my heart.  Broke it, stepped on it and smushed it.

I feel like a horrible mother, horrible.  I feel like I have nothing to give her, really I do.  I’ve got nothing going on of my own.  Basically, I’m just living day by day, not doing anything but taking care of Hudson.  Not taking care of myself I guess.  i guess it’s  obvious because one of my friends pointed it out to me.  I need a hobby.  Did’t that happen on housewives of ny????

Thank god for daycare today…just wish it was all day.  Going to pick her up in 45 minutes, better go enjoy that time to myself

more later.

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